assuming vampires breathe, and are therefore alive, what do they do
If they’re alive and they need it to survive, it’s permitted (provided they don’t kill people in so doing).
If they’re not alive, halacha doesn’t apply to them.
Either way, there is no reasonable halachic restriction on a vampire drinking blood.
but would it need to be from a kosher animal can they drink, like, dolphin blood
Okay now that gets interesting and I would want to actually ask a rabbi whether that would be a thing. like, if one must consume the blood of living things to survive, does it make a difference whether one limits it to the blood of kosher animals or not. I could see it being ruled either way. (I would think if there is only one type of blood one can metabolize or if only one type of blood is available, one can consume it regardless.)
I remember learning that human blood (not sure about animal blood) is permissible to consume if it has not been “poresh” (”separated”) from the body (in the context of “if you cut your lip or your finger and immediately and instinctively put it in your mouth, you don’t have to spit out the blood”).
So
Drinking blood out of a goblet or vacuum-sealed bag would be assur, but sinking your teeth into someone and drinking directly (so that the blood never touches the air or is in a vessel) would be okay.
I know that applies to one’s own blood, but I don’t know if the principle applies to someone else’s. But it may count as a possible precedent!
Okay, so I asked my rabbi about this (… yes, my actual rabbi). Short answer, @fenrisesque, is that the ideal situation is for the vampire to intravenously ingestblood that was donated by a human in order to stay alive, assuming that donation doesn’t kill the person. If homemade intravenously doesn’t work, then storeboughtoral ingestion is fine too. This applies whether or not the vampire can drink animal blood. Long answer, which I find fascinating but is long so under a cut:
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL please thank your rabbi for me
(also, consuming blood from a live person who will not be harmed by the loss of blood is completely different from killing and eating a person – because it is forbidden to derive material gain from a corpse, which includes using it for food, separately from any kosher/nonkosher issues.)
This post is literally the one that made me decide I wanted to convert to Judaism.
Because in the church I grew up in, even the thought of vampires would be cause for screams of blasphemy, but here’s a bunch of Jews who just whipped out their repsonsa and got to work figuring out the practical application of a question that’s actually completely impossible.
speaking of which. 4 maintenance guys from other company properties just went through my house fixing stuff, and one of them told me the expensive outlets our apartment complex made us buy two years ago are against the rules and we can’t use them.
I told them our previous maintenance guy insisted on this kind and one of them’s like “oh, John Doe.” like he was saying “oh, stepping in dogshit.”
I was like “you know John Doe?” and the dude was like “WE KNOW JOHN DOE.”
and we shit talked John Doe. It was good times.
big inspection’s at the end of the month. so these poor fuckers are slammed right up against Thanksgiving. they found time to pet ellie and be sweet to her, so i am officially ok with them.
I hate _% of people statistics being used like “oh it’s such a small number” cause 1% is a small number but 1% of 7 billion is 70 million. That’s more than the population of the UK, France or Italy.
6% of the US is 19 million, as stated above. There are only 3 states that have over 19 million people in them. 19 million is the population of the entire state of New York. That’s more than half the population of California.
Taking populations and turning them into percentages is okay until you try to say “oh that’s not a lot of people” but the reality is… That’s millions. That’s enough to be its own country. That’s fucking scary.
For comparison, that’s 3 neo-Nazis for every Jew in the country. Without allies, we don’t stand a chance.
19 million who are willing to say outright that they’re far right. Imagine how many more wouldn’t say it, but know they are. Also how many more wouldn’t say it, but are without realizing it. And how many more aren’t far right, but wouldn’t stand against them.
Favorite image of the day: A photo taken by Brett Cizek of a common merganser with a massive brood of over 50 ducklings trailing after her. Biologists guess that she picked up at least a couple dozen who got separated from their mother, and maybe a few more pre-hatching since ducks often lay a couple eggs in other ducks’ nests as a way of not…er…putting all their eggs in one basket. So big broods are not uncommon, but this is definitely larger than usual.
Apparently since this photo was taken, she’s picked up another two dozen and is now wandering around Bemidji, MN, with over 70 ducklings in tow.
mordenkainen made everything very fancy and classy. mordenkainen’s potato pie is probably something like a galette with duck fat and truffle oil.
what kind of cheese do french people put in potato dishes? i don’t do french cooking. i do chinese, czech, and down-home american. french is kinda outside my comfort zone. too much cream, not enough pepper.
you just know mordenkainen’s conjured elemental servant talked like a parisian butler, though.
the only french (well, french-canadian/french-upper-peninsula) dish i can think of off the top of my head that includes potato is a pork pie thing called tortiere, ground/chopped/shredded pork mixed with shredded potato and chopped onion, baked in a lard-based crust, served with mustard. i think for Mordenkainen’s though I’d go for more the shepherd’s pie approach and maybe make the filling with a red wine so it’s kind of beef burgundy in a mashed potato crust, maybe? Or go the dessert route and make it a sweet potato pie with fancy spices and maybe a bit of white wine.
i was thinking thin sliced potatoes tossed in herbed oil, layered with onion and shaved truffle in the flakiest, most layered lard crust, drizzled with white wine cheese sauce, and baked until the top layer is perfectly golden and crispy.
Brie or Camenbert if you’re going with a white wine cheese sauce? Or gruyere is good – it’s apparently favoured for baking with, and used in French cuisine a fair bit. (It’s traditional for French onion soup.)
if i had to get in a fistfight with any member of the fellowship it would be Frodo because i would easily win
all i am saying is that he would ostensibly be the easiest one to take on in a fight given that he’s like three feet tall and has led a life of (physical) leisure compared to all of the others due to his standing as a gentlehobbit
legolas, aragorn, and gimli are all used to combat, sam works as a gardener, merry and pippin often gallivant off and get into mischief so they have the advantage of experience in whatever it is they’ve gotten up to/would possibly fight dirty, gandalf is gandalf so while weapons are out of the question i suppose that depends on if magic is involved. i don’t think i could take him without magic even if he IS old because he’s a very large guy, but maybe
it would be my knuckles against Frodo’s baby soft poet hands, plus i’ve got the additional height and fighting experience. i just think that he would be the easiest to win against in hand-to-hand combat out of the rest of them. also he isn’t real so he can’t offer a rebuttal to my claim
you’re absolutely correct BUT wanting to fight Frodo makes you a monster D:
this has nothing to do with WANTING to fight Frodo, i just think he would be easiest for me to beat in a fight with no weapons. unless he utilized his very large feet, but i think he’s too polite to do that because it’s a fist fight and that would be considered playing dirty
for someone who doesn’t want to fight Frodo you sure have put a lot of thought into fighting Frodo……….
OP is wrong though: you fight Pippin.
First off, Pippin has it coming, so you won’t be fighting your conscience at the same time.
Secondly, Pippin is a spoiled rich kid. He’s no less gentry than Frodo is, but Frodo works out and is shown to have better stamina, at least at the outset. Pippin is also both the stupidest and the slowest of the hobbits. They both nearly beat one (1) troll, so that’s comparable, but Pippin appears not to have got a single hit in against the orcs that captured them while Merry was cutting off hands like a boss. Pippin also straight-up tell Bergil that he’s not a fighter.
Also there’s a nonzero chance that Frodo will just straight up curse you (if the guilt of fighting Frodo isn’t enough if a curse by itself).
And, of course, if you try to fight Frodo, you will 100% end up fighting Sam, and he will wreck you (and you’ll deserve it, you monster)
Also: if you fight Frodo you’ll have a very angry Sam & possibly also the entire Fellowship to deal with BUT if you fight Pippin they will probably cheer you on.
Bold of you to assume one could attempt to fight Pippin and NOT instantly be killed by Boromir.
So here’s the thing – you absolutely DO NOT want to try and fight Frodo or Pippin because they are going to be protected by the rest of the Fellowship, which basically exists to stop asshole Big People from picking on the hobbits. Folk might talk a big game but when the chips are down, you are not going to lay a single hand on any of the hobbits. Either you’ll find yourself immediately fighting all four of them or else you’ll move to land your first hit and suddenly Aragorn will side-tackle you into the trees. And he probably hits like a freight train tbh.
So here’s what you do:
You fight Legolas.
The thing about fist-fighting Legolas of course is that you will lose. This is not a fight you’re gonna win no matter what. But Legolas has his standing competition with Gimli, so once the challenge is issued, he’s not gonna let anyone else step in and fight you either. No one is liable to volunteer on his behalf, either, so you will only end up fighting the one member of the fellowship. If you are lucky he might also take his shirt off. Bonus!
Anyway.
Legolas will mop the floor with you, but he’s also already convinced you’re weaker than him anyway because you’re not an elf, so he’s gonna go kind of easy on you. And when you lose he will be all snide and superior about it, which means everyone in the fellowship is gonna sympathize with you, and Gimli will probably challenge him on your behalf afterwards, but here’s the key thing:
You will have lost a fist-fight to an immortal warrior prince.
That’s a way better loss to cop to than that time you tried to fistfight a pudgy gentlehobbit and got beaten to the point of unconsciousness by his gardener, yeah?
okay so tolkien tumblr is fast becoming my fave tumblr community thank you thank you all you are the true fellowship here.
I would like to suggest: Fight Boromir. There’s a pretty good chance that ge’d be delighted by your spunk and let you ‘win’.
challenge aragorn. he’ll just give you a Done look and walk away, because why the hell would he fight you, there’s no point, it doesn’t even matter that he’d obviously win because the whole idea is nonsense. but he wouldn’t explain that, he’d just ignore you and go fuss with his horse’s tack or something. the rest of the fellowship will decide you’re scrappy and tease him for being scared of you, even though they all know he’d totally win too.
samwise will be your best friend and you will get extra helpings of dinner thereafter.
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