Note to vacationing non-Americans: while it’s true that America doesn’t always have the best food culture, the food in our restaurants is really not representative of what most of us eat at home. The portions at Cheesecake Factory or IHOP are meant to be indulgent, not just “what Americans are used to.”
If you eat at a regular American household, during a regular meal where they’re not going out of their way to impress guests, you probably will not be served twelve pounds of chocolate-covered cream cheese. Please bear this in mind before writing yet another “omg I can’t believe American food” post.
Also, most American restaurant portions are 100% intended as two meals’ worth of food. Some of my older Irish relatives still struggle with the idea that it’s not just not rude to eat half your meal and take the rest home, it’s expected. (Apparently this is somewhat of an American custom.)
Until you’re hitting the “fancy restaurant” tier (the kind of place you go for a celebration or an anniversary date), a dinner out should generally also be lunch for the next day. Leftovers are very much the norm.
From the little time I’ve spent in Canada, this seems to be the case up there as well.
the portions in family restaurants (as opposed to haute cuisine types) are designed so that no one goes away hungry.
volume IS very much a part of the american hospitality tradition, and Nobody Leaves Hungry is important. but you have to recognize that it’s not how we cook for ourselves, it’s how we welcome guests and strengthen community ties.
so in order to give you a celebratory experience and make you feel welcomed, family restaurants make the portions big enough that even if you’re a teenage boy celebrating a hard win on the basketball court, you’re still going to be comfortably full when you leave.
of course, that means that for your average person with a sit-down job, who ate a decent lunch that day, it’s twice as much as they want or more. that’s ok. as mentioned above, taking home leftovers is absolutely encouraged. that, too, is part of american hospitality tradition; it’s meant to invoke fond memories of grandma loading you down with covered dishes so you can have hearty celebration food all week. pot luck church basement get-togethers where the whole town makes sure everybody has enough. that sort of thing. it’s about sharing. it’s about celebrating Plenty.
it’s not about pigging out until you get huge. treating it that way is pretty disrespectful of our culture. and you know, contrary to what the world thinks, we do have one.
vote for the one most likely to remove a republican.
it’s that simple.
Vote them out.
Vote for the candidate that sees every person as a human being.
not if they can’t win, buddy. i’m serious. LISTEN. VOTE OUT THE REPUBLICANS. EVEN IF THAT MEANS VOTING IN SOME REGULAR ASSHOLES.
if the candidate who sees every person as a human being is green party, then you vote for the democrat who sees every person as a stepping stone, because unless we get rid of the republican who sees every person as a target a lot of us are going to goddamn die. people are dying already. like, not to guilt you, but if we don’t get a democratic majority in the house and senate ASAP we’re screwed.
it doesn’t fucking matter if you voted for Jesus Actual Christ if he was running on a penny ante party ticket. we need you to vote for Joe Slick Bastard Democrat instead, because there is no such thing as a green party majority in the senate, do you understand? there will not be a green party speaker of the house. green party will not get to put up supreme court nominees.
if you vote for the Good People instead of the democrats, we’re gonna end up back in this toilet bowl again, only deeper this time because the republicans will take it as a mandate to do whatever they want.
take a deep breath, put on rubber gloves, and touch the poop. don’t be precious.
OK, I actually meant the Dems were more likely to see us all as human beings, but you are correct in that the candidate you pick needs to be able to win. So let me revise what I said: In this country, right now, right here, we do not have third party candidates who can win. We are in this mess right now because of two things: People who didn’t vote in 2016, and people who voted for a third party, far-distant, not-a-snowball’s-chance-in-hell of winning. We can’t afford that kind of apathy or that kind of selfish self-righteousness. You do not have to personally like the Dem you vote for. This is not a popularity contest. We need people who will fix the mess we are in, whether you personally like them or not.
If you want to “send a message”, do it by voting for the person who is NOT a Republican but IS on the Democrat ticket. And I don’t care if the Repubs in your area seem like decent people because they did something for a local kids’ charity or you met them and they seemed nice. Republicans are keeping Trump in office. They are all complicit in Trump and his minions shitting on our Constitution, especially the Bill of Rights. VOTE. THEM. OUT.
The internet went from showing food recipe videos to alchemy in less than a decade. There’s going to be a quick video on how to make the philosopher’s stone from tomato sauce next week.
I know that half of these are true which makes me wonder about the other half… are they all true, or were the true ones thrown in to trick us?
peanut butter coal – fake as hell. That ain’t how chemistry or crystallization works. at all. Like there’s at least 4 layers of wrong there.
salt water ice trick – real
acid cleanin – real, but there’re better, less abrasive ways of cleanin your metal jewelry
warm water and wax – plausible? but why bother. Waxes’re biologically inert. They pass through you without bein absorbed in the slightest. The amount they put on apples is minuscule too, so this is a pretty useless trick even if it works.
honey “genetic memory” – I mean. It does that. But that’s from the swirlin motion of the water, and not any “genetic memory” in the honey (which it ain’t got any genes besides maybe from pollen grains or miscellaneous bee parts)
fluffy eggs – plausible. You’d have much better results with a tiny amount of bakin soda tho
banana ripenin – real. with caveats. Not all fruits continue to ripen after bein picked. You couldn’t do this with a pineapple or citrus fruits, for example.
clear milk coke – why
ketchup silverware – NO. STOP. DON’T FUCKIN DO THAT. A homemade electrolytic cell is easier, more effective, and much less destructive to your silverware than repeated acid cleanin. It reduces the oxidized silver back into its elemental form instead of just strippin it away.
milk porcelain – so much bullshit even trump would hesitate to endorse it
pretty much what i thought- though the porcelain thing is actually sorta real. hairline fractures that haven’t actually broken the thing into pieces can be patched with that method, because the casein in the milk fills in the cracks (don’t ask me how permanent and/or sanitary that is). no way you’re gonna actually repair an actual smashed dish like that, though.
I would not trust the porcelain milk trick to last past washing, honestly. And it’s definitely not especially sanitary, since you’re leaving it to sit in milk for two days.
So if it’s a display piece that’s going to sit on the shelf and never get used? Sure why not, but be wary of it starting to smell like spoiled milk after a while. If it’s something you actually want to use, just…use a proper ceramic glue ffs.
(The fluffy eggs one is…plausible, but weird? Why would you want soda-flavoured eggs? At least the baking soda wouldn’t add any flavours in. And I notice that we don’t see anyone actually taking a bite of that thing.)
In Order of the Phoenix, somebody *cough Hermione or the twins probably cough* decides to take a much safer and simpler route of dealing with Umbridge.
Which is to say that they spike her evening tea with Draught of Living Death, stuff her in a closet for the rest of the year, and hire on Sirius to play the part of Umbridge’s New Magical Mail-Order Personality ™. Sirius Black has done far grosser in the name of a good prank than taking Umbridge Polyjuice, after all. He is SO up for this.
“Madam” Umbridge: Good morning, class~<3! Books to the center of the room, please, and push your desks back. Today we’re going to be working on the extremely difficult Smore Spell. Yes, Miss Brown? Lavender: Are… are you feeling okay, Professor? Madam Umbridge: *girlish giggle* Oh, don’t worry about me, dear. My personality transplant finally arrived! I’ve been at odds with the company for weeks– try not to do business with companies that only use seagulls instead of proper owls, they’re QUITE slow in delivery! Now, I’m not seeing books coming to the center of the room~
Hermione: Professor, how is this “smore” spell supposed to work in Defense? All we’re doing is toasting marshmallows! “Umbridge”: Nonsense, Miss Granger. We’re improvising uses for materials in our environment. Namely, the books for the fire. And I’m connecting with all of you as a less unappealing authority figure, which is quite the feat I assure you. This will hopefully encourage you all to do your best in a way that my previous, defective personality was not capable of inspiring. *sparkle*
If Umbridge is found a/o Sirius is caught (and escapes), how very shocking, Mr. Auror Sir, we had NO IDEA it wasn’t Madame Umbridge, her story was very convincing Sir. Yes sir a mail-order personality. It sounded like something the Weasley Twins would’ve come up with to be honest. Completely believeable. To think it was the notorious Sirius Black. He was such a good teacher too. So much better than the defective– I mean, the real Madame Umbridge.
We had to write a Mini Comic for my Illustration Class so I did mine based on The Frog and The Scorpion. Hopefully you all know the story!
But if you don’t know the story… In the original the scorpion stings the frog in the middle of the river. When the frog asks “why” the scorpion says “it’s in my nature” and they both die. I like my ending more.
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